Dear People (Part 2): Relationships

Dear People,

I hope you are all doing well, both physically and mentally! Yes, we are in a pandemic of the SARS-COV-2 virus. I hope you are staying at home and following social distancing. I hope you are taking every precaution and following Government guidelines to help you stay safe (if you are not then please refer to my previous post-https://worldofbiba.wordpress.com/2020/03/29/dear-stupid-people/). In my last post, I gave you a snapshot of coping strategies for fear and anxiety during these tough time along with some mental health resources. If you haven’t read or used the resources yet, please have a look (https://worldofbiba.wordpress.com/2020/03/31/dear-people-part-1/). Today I’ll focus on something that these times are testing us with, “Relationships”.

Yes, people, relationships are getting stranger and murkier as we continue our lives in self-isolation. I’m referring to relationships with both the animate (people) and inanimate (non-living). My friend, MC, wrote a beautiful piece on the relationships with the inanimate surrounding you (https://medium.com/@marieconlin_98273/silence-in-the-midst-of-a-pandemic-f2695cde1517), so I’m going to avoid that conversation.

Yes, people, staying home has become the new normal. We are either spending our days alone or with a spouse, partner, children, roommates, or parent(s). However, never in your life before, I believe, you were stuck with these people or in other words forced to live with them 24/7. You always had the choice to spend time with the people you want to. You had family, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, etc. with whom you’ve to form different equations and share different camaraderie. Those equations have bitten the dust. But the people (or animals) you are stuck with during these times of lockdown are most likely with the people you love.

Yes, people, let’s talk about love. Biologically, love is broken down into three categories; lust, attraction, and attachment. There are different hormones and neurotransmitters (chemical messengers in the brain) that are involved with each of these categories. If you are experiencing either of these biological phenomena with the people that you are stuck with then you are in a better space. Several social studies have claimed that a crisis facing our generation is the lack of time between the people who are in love with each other. While we couldn’t fathom a solution to this problem, another crisis has allowed us to spend quality time with each other. If you don’t feel it that way then either it is time to revisit the vows you took with each other, revisit the memories you created, or let go of the stress and anxiety that are blocking these emotions.

Yes, people, you are most likely living with a person you are attached to. The attachment system is nature’s way of permitting you to attain a stable base of protection whilst faced with events that make you anxious, scared, or vulnerable. There are 4 attachment styles as described in the attachment theory proposed by Bowlby and Ainsworth. These are; Secure, Anxious-preoccupied, Dismissive-avoidant, and Fearful-avoidant. You might belong to one of these categories but whichever style defines your character would impact you differently (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-freedom-change/202004/coronavirus-attachment-styles-fear-and-anxiety). The more sociable attachment style you have the more would be your frustration to not go out and socialize.

Yes, people, we “humans” are social animals. We rely on our senses to form and maintain relationships with other humans and create a society. In the current situation, all of our senses are receiving inputs from only the people who are isolating with us and our senses are not used to this. However, we are blessed with advanced technologies that position us better than the previous pandemics like the Spanish flu. Yes, people, we have smartphones and computers that allow us to see and communicate with people who are staying miles and countries apart. So, connect with the people you love, talk with them, let them know how you are feeling because although we are apart we are in this together.

Yes, people, we will get through this pandemic. But during this time our relationships will get redefined. We will spend more time on online communications but they’ll be as real as the ones we have face to face. We will revisit the relationships we have with our partners and that’ll rekindle the love and passion for each other. We will revisit our relationships with our parents and break those barriers that prevented us from becoming friends. And we’ll also revisit our relationship with our friends because it’s their support we always needed the most. But above all, we have time, time to connect with everyone, time to enjoy being with each other, time to listen and laugh, time to rejuvenate all those relationships that have gone cold.

And as Captain America said, “The world is in our hands, we gotta do whatever it takes.”  So if you are feeling alone reach out to the people you love or attached to and use all the technologies at our disposal. And as CAMH says “Apart Not Alone”!!

Dear People (Part 1): Fear and Anxiety

Dear People,

I hope you are all doing well, at least, physically! Yes, we are in a pandemic of the SARS-COV-2 virus. I hope you are staying at home and following social distancing. I hope you are taking every precaution and following Government guidelines to help you stay safe (if you are not then please refer to my last post). Yes, I am again referring to the physical safety of everyone because in this post I am going to talk about mental health. Mental health and wellness are as important as physical health in these times of isolation. So, let’s talk about it.

Yes, people, I know you are not well. You are probably suffering from the two most common mental health issues “fear” and “anxiety”. “Fear is the emotional response to real or perceived imminent threat, whereas anxiety is anticipation of future threat,” the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5) says.

Yes, people, I know you have a fear of getting the virus or losing a family member to it, or in worst cases, you fear death. So, let’s understand what is fear. Fear is a normal and autonomic (unconscious) response of the brain. Whenever faced with an external threatening stimulus the neurons (building blocks of the nervous system) trigger a response that involves multiple regions of the brain including the thalamus, sensory cortex, hippocampus, hypothalamus, and amygdala. Each of these regions has specific functions to accept, process, store and react to the stimulus. Out of these regions in the brain, the hypothalamus initiates the fight or flight response. This involves a complicated brain event that ends up with the release of epinephrine (adrenaline), norepinephrine (noradrenaline) and dozens of other hormones that cause changes in the body to prepare itself for the response. Fear is necessary for survival because a lack of fear would allow you to perform actions that might be dangerous for your life eg. walking towards a running train, jumping off a cliff, or in this particular situation getting out and infect yourselves with the SARS-COV-2 virus. So, accept that you are fearful of this current situation because everyone else is. However, please be mindful that your fear should not transform into an excessive and persistent condition, also known as “phobia”. This is a medical condition that prevents you to act rationally and forces you to take steps that are both physically and mentally damaging.

Yes, people, I know you are anxious. You are anxious about what the future holds in terms of life and economy. We are in an unprecedented time that is so uncertain that we can’t foresee a clear path to the future. Uncertainty is a common cause of anxiety. The amygdala region of the brain is the starting point of anxiety reactions and as soon as it is triggered, it sends distress signals to the alternative key components of your brain. Anxiety is often accompanied by physical sensations such as heart palpitations, nausea, chest pain, shortness of breath, stomach aches, or headache. Anxiety has severe health implications and has been directly linked to several physical illnesses including cardiovascular disease, gastrointestinal disorders, and chronic respiratory disorders. So, we mustn’t let our current anxieties transform into a clinical-grade lifelong chronic disease.

Yes, people, I am sure you can control these and prevent yourselves from irrational behavior. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is very effective in alleviating regular anxiety. Although I am no mental health expert, my previous education and current work at the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health have exposed me to numerous resources that could be used to handle anxiety. However, before you jump to the resources, let me give out a few pointers.

1. Accept that these are normal responses of your brain and when present in moderation can actually protect you.
2. Believe that you are not alone and a lot of your friends and family members are going through the same state of fear and anxiety.
3. Refrain from watching excessive negative news and irrelevant information on social media.
4. Connect with people you love and share your thoughts via phone, messaging, or, video calling.
5. Find a productive distraction or a hobby where you can spend your free and idle time.

If you can master these and take help from the resources below you’ll not only benefit right now but it can help you cope with similar threatening situations in the future. Every resource will lead you to two definite things, mindfulness and meditation. Please practice these at least 4-5 days a week. There are also mobile apps like Calm, Headspace and Happify that can be useful. Although I have never used any of these apps, I’ve heard them being recommended by many mental health professionals. With the use of these resources, I am sure you’ll be able to control your fear and anxiety and successfully cope with this pandemic. If these don’t help, please seek the help of professionals.

Yes, people, I know you can do it! I am sure most of you have gone through more stressful times and successfully come out of it. Let’s fight this difficult period together! Please stay safe and take care!

Resources:

https://www.camh.ca/en/health-info/mental-health-and-covid-19?s_src=linkedin&s_subsrc=&utm_campaign=evergreen&utm_medium=social%20post&utm_source=linkedin#coping

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Anxiety

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Health-Anxiety

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Panic

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/~/media/CCI/Mental%20Health%20Professionals/Generalised%20Anxiety/Generalised%20Anxiety%20-%20Information%20Sheets/Generalised%20Anxiety%20Information%20Sheet%20-%2002%20-%20What%20is%20Mindfulness.pdf

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/~/media/CCI/Mental%20Health%20Professionals/Generalised%20Anxiety/Generalised%20Anxiety%20-%20Information%20Sheets/Generalised%20Anxiety%20Information%20Sheet%20-%2003%20-%20Mindfulness%20and%20Letting%20go.pdf

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/~/media/CCI/Mental%20Health%20Professionals/Generalised%20Anxiety/Generalised%20Anxiety%20-%20Worksheets/Generalised%20Anxiety%20Worksheet%20-%2002%20-%20Letting%20Go%20with%20Mindfulness.pdf

https://moodlemedia.camhx.ca/pe/story.html (Mindfulness exercises)

(I’ll keep updating the resources)

Dear Stupid People

Dear Stupid People,

Thank you for being there. I’ve been always been cognizant of your presence. Although, I must admit I never imagined that you were so intricately dispersed within the society. I knew that your forces were getting stronger with your representatives now getting selected as world leaders. But I never imagined that you were in such big numbers and all around us. But the whole purpose of me dedicating this post to you is because I wholeheartedly wanted to thank you.

Yes, stupid people, we are in a pandemic. We are in a situation that is laden with uncertainty and improbability. A situation that no one had foreseen and no one has still comprehended to the fullest. A situation that no one was ever prepared to handle even if they had every bit of resource at their disposal. Do you know what a pandemic means? Probably you never even googled the term. Wikipedia or other more reliable sources defines a pandemic as “a disease epidemic that has spread across a large region, for instance, multiple continents, or worldwide.” This doesn’t refer to the fatality of the disease or the economic impact it causes. Pandemics have been happening throughout human history at a regular interval causing far more deaths than the current one (read more about The Spanish Flu). But the reason we humans, the most intelligent of all creatures, have always had difficulty to contain the spread of an epidemic is because we had you, stupid people.

Yes, stupid people, we are currently fighting the spread of SARS-COV-2 and hoping to save us all from getting the COVID-19. You still don’t get it, right stupid people? COVID-19 is the disease that is caused by the virus SARS-COV-2. Do you know what a virus is? From reliable scientific sources, a virus is defined as “an infectious agent of small size and simple composition that can multiply only in living cells of animals, plants, or bacteria.” Yes, viruses need a host to live and multiply, it cannot absolutely survive for long without a host and definitely cannot multiply without it. There has only one letter published in the New England Journal of Medical Sciences that looked into the half-life of the virus on inanimate objects and it is far from conclusive. Please, stupid people, don’t stress out on things you don’t understand. Please listen to the intelligent people around you, people who actually can understand and have access to the right information.

Yes, stupid people, we are having an epidemic of coronavirus. But you should know that this is not the first coronavirus to cause an epidemic. We had the first one roaming around in the early 2000s causing severe acute respiratory syndrome or in short SARS meaning that these viruses affected respiration (or the act of breathing) in humans. These viruses are transmitted when one person comes in close contact (less than 6ft) with another person having the virus through their respiratory droplets (like when you cough or sneeze). Hence, stupid people, stay in your houses and help all of us to stop the spread of the virus. The only thing you need to perform is proper hand hygiene whenever you are in close contact with another person. Just to let you know stupid people, isolating yourself from other people helps you and all the people around you.

Yes, stupid people, people are dying. They are dying from this disease. Do you know who are dying stupid people? People above the age of 60, people with existing underlying conditions are the most vulnerable to this disease. I think you have a family too, isn’t it stupid people? You must have either a father, a mother, grandfathers, grandmothers, uncles, aunts or even sick people in your family, right, stupid people? If you don’t care about others, then think about them. Think about what they have done for you every day of their lives and just stay isolated for them.

Yes, stupid people, I know you need food and essentials to survive. We are definitely not going to run out of supplies as long as all essential services keep running. So please use some sense and stop hoarding resources. You should have some belief and trust in the system, stupid people. Before you start piling 100 rolls of toilet paper or 200 cans of canned foods or 75 kgs of rice, think about those vulnerable people too and leave some for them. Please stop believing in miraculous cures and self-proclaimed medicines. Because one day, in the near future, when some brilliant researchers successfully invent a vaccine, please take it, stupid people. It might even fix your brains along with protecting you from the virus. Please, stupid people, listen to your Government (unless you are in one of those unfortunate countries led by your representatives), do what they ask, and just stay home. Please thank the people that are still running the country stupid people, thank the healthcare workers, the police, the transportation industry workers, the retail workers, the food industry workers, and everyone who is running every essential service.

But after saying so much, I want to thank you, stupid people. Because in these times of monotonous self-isolation you have always brought a smile on my face. Thanks, stupid people, for some much-needed humor. I encourage you to use your common sense, stupid people and prove that it exists. I’ll find humor elsewhere in Trevor Noah and Russell Peters but please, stupid people, prove you are human too. Come on stupid people! The world needs you to improve. I know you have social media to feed you with all the fake news and information in the world, but please stop spreading them around. Yes, stupid people, I know you think that you know it all but now is the time to open your eyes, stupid people and read and spread what is right.

Thanks, stupid people!!

Sanity, Vanity, FANity

On July 6, 2018, the FIFA World Cup Quarterfinals were going on and Brazil was playing Belgium. Both teams were favourites in this edition of the World Cup and it was a great match that Belgium won 2-1. At the end of the match, I had to rush to a Boutique Cake shop that was closing soon and as I entered the shop I saw the owner wearing a Brazil Jersey. I felt bad for her and after ordering the cake I offered a few words of sympathy. She said ” You know we played well and this is just a game right? We were unlucky and the other team defended really well. We had so much ball possession and just couldn’t find the net!”. I was astonished at how cool and unperturbed she was with this loss. I came back home with the cake and opened my Facebook account and there was a swarm of posts from friends in India cursing Brazil for their loss (the team and the players), cursing Belgium for winning the match, cursing the referee and putting up angry protests. I thought that might be the general reaction in Brazil and texted my Brazilian friends living in Brazil and Canada and all of them responded in the way the lady has responded.

I am still at loss at the reactions. I personally don’t have any Argentine friends but connected with a few of them on social media but the outcry of the Indian Argentine fans and the abusive languages they used towards Messi and his compatriots were shocking. There were posts, videos, memes and more targetting each team that has lost (Spain, Portugal, Germany, Argentina, Brazil) and who have a large number of followers in India and the subcontinent. I find it amusing that these fans consider themselves so involved with these teams that they behave outrageously when their team loses. But these teams are not really their teams, these players are not their own players. A long time in Indian cricket we have debated who the best player is and who the best Captain is and when fans get involved in these then it makes sense because they can easily connect with these players. But when I see on social media people from the subcontinent exchanging abuses between themselves for Real Madrid or Barcelona, Manchester United or Liverpool, Chelsea or Arsenal, AC Milan or Inter Milan then it makes no sense to me. I agree that you get emotionally involved with the team you follow and support but humanity should always come first, etiquette should come first, manners should come first and love should come first. Abusing players, teams and other human beings for winning or losing a game is a sign of losing one’s sanity.

I think as followers of sports, a lover of sports and an enthusiast of sports one should be careful with their fandom. There’s already too much hatred in the world, already too many fights in the name of organized religion, caste, race, colour, border, trade etc. etc. etc. Sports especially team sports like football (read soccer), hockey, rugby, cricket etc. has been shown to foster unity and kinship among people of different countries. Let’s not taint the image of fans of these great sports, let’s make a choice to show our frustration by congratulating the winning teams and not cursing them, let’s make the players and the teams proud, let’s evolve from the SANITY and  VANITY to have a different FANITY!!!!!!!!

I see you

I look at the sky and I see you,

Among the darkness, black and shiny,

Among the stars, bright and dying,

Among the milky way, glistening and glowing,

I see you.

Where the laws of physics cease to exist,

You proved the existence of singularities;

Where nothing could escape from a black hole,

You proved it emits radiation;

Where the world was still debating on God,

You provided a scientific theory of creation.

You are not gone,

Just traveling through the spacetime,

To another dimension or another parallel world.

You are discovering new theories there I know,

Solving the improbable, one paradox after another.

I know you are still a fighter,

Like you fought ALS and defeated God,

Like you transformed applied mathematics and theoretical physics,

Like you explained how the Universe came into being.

I wish I could have met you, Dr. Stephen Hawking,

I wish you could have gone on in this world,

Making discoveries that would change our ideas and beliefs,

Inspiring generations to follow science and seek the truth.

My heart is heavy and the loss is immense,

I bid you Goodbye and wish you a merry interstellar journey to the other side.

But I can still see you,

Among the vastness, the darkness, and the brightness,

In the Universe above.

The Collision

And they collided;

Sending light and gravitational waves of a gamma-ray burst.

They were dead for a long time

From a supernova that killed all their electrons and protons,

And turned them into small, dense and heavy masses.

There are millions of them,

But these two came closer and closer,

With love as strong as their gravity,

And they collided.

The collision was spectacular,

A cosmic gold event that created real gold,

And uranium was created along with it.

Once they have been huge dazzling stars,

But they created a spectacle when they were dead.

 

Probably now we’ll have some answers,

On how the Universe was created and at what rate it is expanding,

And we’ll have no one thank other than these neutron stars,

Because they collided.

 

Invisible

I am everywhere,

I am inside you and outside you,

I am in the dense forests, the deepest of seas,

Under the snow cover or in the hives of the honey bees.

I am in the soil, the air, and in the water,

And if you really look for me, you’ll also find me in the gutter.

 

I am in plants, and insects and even the scary spiders,

I am in the lizards and tortoise, the flying birds and the swimming fishes.

I am in mammals, big or small, helping them to live;

But for you, the humans, is the most I give.

I am in your skin, your mouth, your eyes and your hair,

I am also present inside your stomach and its layers;

I am the one who makes you stink from your armpit,

And even if it’s foul, then pardon me, but I am also in your urine, sweat, and shit.

 

But I am also there when you are born, coming into the world with a lot of woes,

And when your mother feeds you every day, it is I who help you grow.

I protect you from the nastiest of pathogens,

And provide you with all the required nutrients.

I provide you the taste of the delicious foods you eat

And if you crave for chocolate, then that’s probably me too.

But don’t mess with me, don’t give me irritation,

I can make you sick, higher your stress, and get you depression.

 

I know you can’t see me, I am invisible;

I am omnipotent and omnipresent,

I am in all life and even in the non-living

Life cannot survive without me being either inside or outside

I know you might be thinking that I am the Almighty, that I am God,

But don’t be fooled I am just the normal microbiome.

 

Coffee

Fully metabolized I am,

Turned into paraxanthine in the liver,

In the blood, I am absorbed

Moved to the brain

Where the adenosine receptors are blocked,

Making you active & ready!

Yes, I am coffee and this is how I keep you steady!

Rain in Christmas

I saw the clouds, dark and heavy

It would pour I knew, strong and windy;

It will be hazy and bleaky and shadowy and gloomy,

It will be warm and sticky and steamy and soggy.

The streets will be drenched, watery and muddy,

The trees will be dripping and all will be muggy.

 

The lights are bright, on the streets and houses,

Everyone is happy with their family and spouses;

The decorations are done with the stars on the top,

The Christmas trees are ready and right on the spot;

It’s Christmas eve, its time to sing the carols loud,

This is the time for family with euphoria endowed.

 

I love the rain when comes in August,

It washes away the heat, the pollens, the dust;

But now its Christmas and its time to snow,

The murky clouds give the spirits a blow;

Snowflakes should come down and turn everything white,

Rudolph can’t pull the sleigh on sludge, Santa can’t bring the light.

 

They say its changing and change is formal,

But when it comes to the climate, this is abnormal;

Ice caps are melting, oceans are rising,

Calamities will come, be it hurricanes, earthquakes or flooding;

Temperatures are rising from seas to mountains,

We need to fight this before its curtains.

 

I love the rain, the summer, the spring,

I love the autumn leaves and the happiness they all bring;

But I love the snow when it falls,

Cold and shivery but serene and calm;

I love the Christmas trees, covered with the white balls,

And the roads glistening, to make Santa come.

 

I know there’s time to do things right,

We can do anything to make the future bright;

We believe in us and we believe in science,

We have fought so much with love and alliance;

I know the snow will come when its December,

Winters will be as cold as the ones we remember;

I know we’ll be kindred spirits when enjoying the festivities,

We’ll lit the fire, cuddle or do fun activities;

I know it will be cold but elation amass,

Since the last thing we need, is Rain in Christmas.

 

Where do THE EXCELLENT vanish?

Students who are excellent and receive excellent grades in Board exams suddenly vanish into thin air. Nowadays we all hear stories about students who get 99% above marks in the 10th and 12th school board exams. But what happens to them afterwards is never a story. They get the limelight for a few days on social media, on paper and written media outlets and then they get lost in the oblivion. No one hears about them any further. So where to these EXCELLENT and BRILLIANT students vanish before reaching a level of true EXCELLENCE?

A Times of India article from India at the end of last year reported that 17.47 lakh (1.747 million) students took the board exams in India in the year 2015.

(Board exam takers in India)

The person who got the first position in the 10th exams got 99.4% marks. This implies that the person received 100 or close to 100 in each and every subject he/she appeared for. This in turn implies that this person knows it all about these subjects. But in reality is it possible to know everything about a subject or as such the syllabus that they have?

The possible answer is NO. It is impossible to know everything (even people working tirelessly on researching a particular research question would not claim this). But this person actually knew answers to all the questions he/she attempted in the exam. So now the question is are the exams been set in a manner that they can really test the knowledge of the students? Are 100-150 multiple choice or written answers type questions enough to test a candidate? Theoretically YES but practically NO. Because what they have learnt throughout their career is only theory and they don;t know how this theory can be applied to the practical world. Answering these exam questions correctly ensure that they receive an excellent grade but that does not imply that they can apply this knowledge to innovate, imagine and solve critical problems. The education system of India needs to revamp itself completely and need to apply for practical and situation based questions to test the candidates. But only restructuring the exam won’t help. We need to restructure the whole education system to train students in a more project and application based environment. We need to help the students in a way so that the juices in the nerves start flowing at an early age and they keep working on it throughout their career.

Now comes the main point “where do these students who show off that they are excellent at this age vanish?”. Seldom in the history of Indian education we have encountered students who took the pole positions in both the 10th and 12th board exams. Majority of the one who top the group in 10th are not even in the list of top 100 in the 12th. Most of the top students who get the pole positions in the 12th board exams set to become doctors and engineers. Now the thing is that there is no lack of doctors and engineers in India and these people are increasing the pool only. They have defined their professions and ambitions even before thinking about alternatives. These excellent grades are not getting converted into excellence and innovation. What these people really need to do is to become entrepreneurs and innovators in the future. They need to delve deep into answering the unanswered scientific questions. They need to unravel the mysteries of the past and that of the future.

There are people reaching excellence all over the world and a lot of Indians are among them. But I don’t think more than 1% of them actually topped their board exams and got 99% grades. Grades are important, specially in a country of a billion, where everyone is competing in a Rat race and everyone needs to come out on top in every race. However winning the race doesn’t guarantee excellence. Excellence is achieved by thinking out of the box, by being creative and imaginative and by thinking about new things and how you can contribute to those things.

The solution will need time and effort from a lot of people. From the education ministers to the government officers to the school authorities, to the teachers, to the parents and to the students themselves need to embrace application and method based studies. They need to explore different professions, different subjects and different ideologies. Good grades only don’t ensure excellence neither does bad grades destroy the path to achieve it.

I found this online quote on facebook and it perfectly sums up that point I was trying to make.